Blondes Protective Computer Gear
Yesterday I came back to my office from Court. There was a new
secretary (a very attractive blonde) in the office down the hall from
me.
She flagged me down and asked for help. "My floppy drive won't work,
can you help me ?" she asked. I told her I'd take a look and
proceeded over to her machine, where I found shredded up clear
plastic Baggie-like stuff hanging out of her 3.5" floppy drive.
While I spent the next 20 minutes getting out her disk and digging
out the plastic, I noticed two guys, John and Dave, in the hall
trying awfully hard to keep straight faces. Suspecting some mischief,
I asked her how the plastic got into the drive.
"Oh, you mean the condom!", she said. "Condom???", I asked. "Yes,
John & Dave over there told me to always put a condom on my disk
before inserting it, to prevent catching viruses."
By this point, John & Dave were roaring, and it was all I could do to
keep from joining them. The "condom" turned out to be a standard 3.5"
plastic sleeve. I delicately explained to her that a practical joke
had been played, and she shouldn't do that anymore, when she asked
(as serious as one could be), "Does that mean I don't have to stroke
it ten times or blow on it either???"
Yesterday I came back to my office from Court. There was a new
secretary (a very attractive blonde) in the office down the hall from
me.
She flagged me down and asked for help. "My floppy drive won't work,
can you help me ?" she asked. I told her I'd take a look and
proceeded over to her machine, where I found shredded up clear
plastic Baggie-like stuff hanging out of her 3.5" floppy drive.
While I spent the next 20 minutes getting out her disk and digging
out the plastic, I noticed two guys, John and Dave, in the hall
trying awfully hard to keep straight faces. Suspecting some mischief,
I asked her how the plastic got into the drive.
"Oh, you mean the condom!", she said. "Condom???", I asked. "Yes,
John & Dave over there told me to always put a condom on my disk
before inserting it, to prevent catching viruses."
By this point, John & Dave were roaring, and it was all I could do to
keep from joining them. The "condom" turned out to be a standard 3.5"
plastic sleeve. I delicately explained to her that a practical joke
had been played, and she shouldn't do that anymore, when she asked
(as serious as one could be), "Does that mean I don't have to stroke
it ten times or blow on it either???"
Moshe Rabbinowitz decides to join the country club near his home. He goes
in and is turned down flat because he does not meet their "standards." So
he enrolls in the finest schools to learn the art of being culturally
rich. Moshe learns to cook the finest of foods, appreciate the best art,
drive the best car, wear the classiest suits, etc. He even hires Professor
Henry Higgins to educate him in the proper speech and behavior.
The big day arrives. Martin James Roget arrives at the country club for
his interview.
"Tea?" the interviewer asks.
"Earl Grey, hot please."
"Hobbies?"
"Polo, racket ball, hunting."
"Religion?"
"Goy."
in and is turned down flat because he does not meet their "standards." So
he enrolls in the finest schools to learn the art of being culturally
rich. Moshe learns to cook the finest of foods, appreciate the best art,
drive the best car, wear the classiest suits, etc. He even hires Professor
Henry Higgins to educate him in the proper speech and behavior.
The big day arrives. Martin James Roget arrives at the country club for
his interview.
"Tea?" the interviewer asks.
"Earl Grey, hot please."
"Hobbies?"
"Polo, racket ball, hunting."
"Religion?"
"Goy."
"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
- Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach
I knew a girl from St. Paul
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
Someone set it on fire
And burned here entire
Front Page, Sporting Section and all.
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
Someone set it on fire
And burned here entire
Front Page, Sporting Section and all.
SIGN AT DENNY'S RESTAURANT:
"Denny's is pleased to welcome persons of every ethnicity.
Our booths are now color-coded by race so that our valued
Black and Mexican patrons will know where to sit."
"Denny's is pleased to welcome persons of every ethnicity.
Our booths are now color-coded by race so that our valued
Black and Mexican patrons will know where to sit."
How does Michael Jackson know its time for bed?
When the big hand is on the little hand.
When the big hand is on the little hand.
One should love animals. They are so tasty.
Modern Love Poem
A Trite Redundant Poem With a Laughable Excuse For a Structure
Addressed To Absolutely No One in Particular and Whose Only Redeeming
Value is That It's Short
a.k.a. A Modern Love Poem
My dearest darling with long dark hair and eyes azure,
My love for you is eternal, tried, and sure.
I stare into the infinite depths of your eyes,
But I often find my gaze directed at your thighs.
Everyone appreciates your unsurpassed beauty and grace,
Your perfect supple form and enchanting face.
Some say beauty is fleeting, and boy do I agree.
Your personality sucks, so when you're 40, with you I will not be.
My sweet, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways...
One...uh...one...hmm...number one...gimme a chance... how about the
way your body sways?
Let me once more restate my love for you.
65% of the time, to you I'm true.
There is no other woman with whom I lay,
At least, not at this particular time of day.
My dear, you're absolutely the best.
How 'bout accompanying me to the next Centralfest?
(That is, unless I don't have another date)
The events that brought us together must have been fate.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
You're the greatest, Jenny, I mean Cherry, I mean Sue.
My wife and I had just finished tucking our five young ones into bed one
evening when we heard sobbing coming from three- year-old Billy's room.
Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally
swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking
could change his mind.
Desperate to calm him, my wife palmed a penny that she happened to have
in her pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy's ear. Billy was
delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my wife's hand, swallowed it
and demanded cheerfully, "Do it again, mum!"
evening when we heard sobbing coming from three- year-old Billy's room.
Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally
swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking
could change his mind.
Desperate to calm him, my wife palmed a penny that she happened to have
in her pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy's ear. Billy was
delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my wife's hand, swallowed it
and demanded cheerfully, "Do it again, mum!"
A long-haired youth was hitchhiking through the deep South.
He got a ride from a mean-looking redneck trucker. After
riding about 30 miles in silence, the youth finally said,
"Well, aren't you going to ask me?"
"Ask you what?"
replied the trucker.
"If I'm a boy or a girl," answered the youth.
"Don't matter," replied the trucker. "Gonna fuck ya anyway."
He got a ride from a mean-looking redneck trucker. After
riding about 30 miles in silence, the youth finally said,
"Well, aren't you going to ask me?"
"Ask you what?"
replied the trucker.
"If I'm a boy or a girl," answered the youth.
"Don't matter," replied the trucker. "Gonna fuck ya anyway."