Derek one was catching a whole bunch of fish for his family, but Paddy hadn’t caught any and was frustrated and called out to Derek “How come you’ve been catching all those fish and I ain’t caught a single one?”

Derek replied, ” I don’t know…. why don’t ya come on over here?”

“I don’t know…. I don’t see a bridge, and their aint no boat, and I don’t swim to well”

Derek picks up his flashlight, turns it on, and replies, ” Why don’t you walk across this here beam off light?”

Paddy was outraged and replied “do you think am stupid? When I get half way you’ll turn the fekker off!!!”

The cop walks up to the car and says to him,

“Sir, did you know that you were going 60 miles an hour?”

Paddy says, “Officer, there is no way I could have been going 60 miles an hour!”

The cop says, “Really! Why is that?

Paddy replies,” I could not have been going 60 miles an hour
because I’ve only been out driving for 25 feckin minutes.”

Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said “Why did you put up such a fight?”

To which the Irishman promptly replied

“I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!”

Paddy says “It’s my wife, I’ve accidentally shot her. I’ve killed her”

Operator “Please calm down sir. Can you first make sure she really is dead?”

CLICK, BANG

Paddy “OK, done that, what next?

“Where am I?”

The Irish farmer looks up and  shouts back

“You can’t kid me ya b’stard, you’re in that feckin basket!”