The judge said the witness,
“Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?”
“I do.”
“Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?”
“Sure,I aint stupid” said the witness.
“My side will win.”
I’m think i’m sorry to say:
“It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.“
Over a remote Scottish island a helicopter lost power and was forced to make an emergency landing.
Luckily there was a small cottage nearby.
The pilot walked over to it and knocked on the door.
“Is there a mechanic in the area?” he asked the woman who answered the door.
She scratched her head and thought for a few seconds.
“No,” she finally said, pointing down the road, “but we do have a McArdle and a McKay.”
Paddy gets pulled over by the police for speeding.
The cop walks up to the car and says to him,
“Sir, did you know that you were going 60 miles an hour?”
Paddy says, “Officer, there is no way I could have been going 60 miles an hour!”
The cop says, “Really! Why is that?
Paddy replies,” I could not have been going 60 miles an hour
because I’ve only been out driving for 25 feckin minutes.”